A Break

Things do not come easily to me.

What I want to be:
1. A positive person
2. A hard working person
3. A good person with beautiful akhlak.
4. A worries-free traveller
5. A good daughter
6. A confident person
8. A good daughter
9. A good friend
10. A good sister.
11. A good worshiper

There are so many things I want to become but sometimes I feel like giving up. Because I put too high expectation on me. Yes, since I was a kid, I worked hard to achieve what I want. I am a middle child from six siblings. I did feel like I should not be a burden to my parents in anyway. Because there are so many worrisome personalities among my siblings, therefore I choose to be the 'good girl' to make my parents a bit at ease. I never had any trouble with school be it in mannerism or academic. I chose to live in the hostel so that my parents can cut a little bit of expenses on me and they can focus on to my other siblings. I achieve all A's for my UPSR, PMR, SPM and A-level. Every time I felt so stressed out about relationship-with-human, I will be studying. I have lots of worries that I want to share but I have no one in my family to share with. So I just appeared as the 'happy child' all the time. Little did I know, my choice of character left me with many consequences later during my adulthood. I became quite reserved, not confident, and an extreme introvert. I feel regretful that I was not able to being expressive when I was a child.

Do my parents know how I feel? I don't think they did.

But I know Allah swt will reward me with the most satisfying gift for 'trying my best to be a good person' which is the HEAVEN. InsyaAllah. I always believe that good people will be rewarded with good things. And with that in mind, I'll keep moving forward and always trying to become a better person. Amin...

My Lasik Eye Surgery Pengalaman

Hiiiii!!

I know I haven't write in this often so, I try to make it up by starting to post something beneficial, insyaAllah starting from today.

My summer holidays has almost ended. I only have one month left. T.T
So, I really want to make each day counts.

Hence, I came up with the title. Here it goes. I flew back to Malaysia on 25th of May 2016, and after 20 hours of journey-transits, I reached Kota Bharu, tanah tumpah darahku on the 26th. Alhamdulillah.

And on 28th, I flew back to KL, because our flight to Egypt was on 29th in the morning. Can you sympathise me with the determination? I didn't even allow myself to experience jetlag.

And we reached Egypt safely. Me, my umi, kakcik and makcikNa.

I did my lasik surgery at Egypt, to be exact at Cairo. On 31st of May, the day came, I feel super super nervous. To be honest, I am very penakut when it comes to jumpa doctors, have check-ups etc. So the thought of I-need-to-do-lasik gave me a huge fright. I never want to wear contact-lenses because I am so afraid of putting things in my eyes. And I have no issues of wearing spectacles. At all.

But I decided to do this because of my abah. He really want to do it but he couldn't because of the same reason as mine as well as he said he is too tua. Orang tua memang kena pakai specs.. (what?...) And he paid my flight ticket to Egypt so, I should at least to this kan? Besides, I am a healthy, strong, confident woman (sedapkan hati)

Anyway, before the day of the operation, I went to the clinic the day before, it was to check semua pasal my mata, what power, how is my cornea, basically whether I am layak to do lasik. And it just simply macam check-up to do specs kat kedai. Nothing fancy. And of course, they told me that I am absolutely layak to do lasik.

The next day, we came to the clinic early in the morning. And Umi, Kakcik and I were asked to get ready in our white operation gowns with the blue-shower/operation-caps. Boleh imagine kan? Alaa macam orang nak masuk surgery. No electronic devices were allowed to enter the operation room. Then, we were asked to wait on the large massage chairs in the waiting room. Until, my mom's name was called first. I asked Umi whether she is afraid, and she said no. Well Umi memang berani sokmo. I am the scaredy cat. Umi entered the operation room first, I can only do a faking smile thinking of my turn is next.

After ten minutes, time passed by while Kakcik and I calmed ourselves down, Umi went out from the operation room with a nurse holding her hand. And she didn't even glance at me. Before anything else happen, I heard another nurse called out my name. There, I left to enter the operation room with heavy steps.

As I entered the operation room, I can see there were three nurses and a male doctor already sat comfortably berhadapan dengan katil patient, ready to start his task. The middle-aged doctor greeted me cheerfully and asked me to lie down on the operating bed. So I did. As I made myself comfortable, he asked me whether I can speak either arabic or english? So I said English. And he started talking about the procedures. At that moment, I can't really brain what exactly he was saying due to his arabic-english accent and maybe simply because I was not on my right mind. But suddenly I heard he said "different", and I quickly asked for the justification.

Doc: Nur, your surgery would be quite different from your mother just now. But it's okay. This one is better for you.
Me: What do you mean 'different'?
Doc: Well, your mother did a normal lasik surgery, but yours is LPE (I am not sure about this abbreviation, pardon) Just because your cornea is too thin, so we cannot perform normal lasik.
Me: errrrr,,, (I lost for words) is this safe?
Doc: (laugh) yes yes, it is better for you to do this one, we're going to put artificial layer on your cornea first, only then we do the laser. Okay?
Me: (seriously masa ni I just cant berfikir dengan normal. What do you expect, I dah terbaring kat katil tu, and I have to dongak to see the doc's face when he is explaining all of this. So I just say yes)
Doc: Good, during surgery you wont barely feel pain, only after the surgery the pain will come, and it is quite painful. But no worries, I will give you the painkiller. (laughing)

Masa tu I was like "Ya Allah, I trust you, and You are the solely Protector.

The surgery started with my right eye. I was asked to open my eyes besar-besar and to fix my stare at the red circle above me. Oh! The climax was they clipped my eyes with pengepit mata so that I wont blink during the lasering. I am sorry to say that it was so sakit but bearable. Before lasering, they put several solutions in my eyes. During laser, I can feel something enter my eyes, macam bunyi semut yang dekat dengan telinga. "nyenyenyenn....." lebih kurang. And oh, I can smell that my cornea/eyes burning. Bau hangit-hangit camtu. It was not painful but after few minutes, like 3 minutes maybe, it was almost done. And at one point, suddenly mata you lose sight for few seconds. Everything was white but jangan panic just yet, because you will regain your eyesight back. After the laser thing, they cleaned my eye, as they put several solutions in it and lastly put lenses in it. The same process applied to the left eye. So duration was mungkin 10 to 15 minutes.

Then kami pun balik, with mata merah. We were asked to just sleep for the whole day after the surgery. We also need to wear sunglasses whenever we went out to protect our eyes from the blazing sunlight and debu debuan. The doctor gave the prescription for us to buy medication at the pharmacy.

Normal lasik would take only two days for you to be able to look clearly without specs. But in my case, the 3rd day after surgery, when my sister and mother can already see clearly, I was still struggling to see things. So I panic. Really panic. I went back to the clinic, only then I was informed the recovery period for the surgery  that I had was in 1 to 3 months time. Jahat kan doctors arab ni? Dah la informed my surgery lain from other people masa I dah terbujur lemah longlai atas katil like 3 minutes before surgery. But here I must say, dorang just want the money. If they informed me about the different surgery that I should take earlier, I might reconsider of doing lasik. Ye la, I cuti balik Malaysia sekali setahun for 3 months je, takkan I nak berkabur mata for the only 3 months I cuti? Pardon me for being maybe tak husnudzon but I was so pissed off.

There goes my Egypt holiday. I cannot even get a clear sight of pyramid gyza though it was just in front of me. So I was reallyyyyy sad...

Remember the lenses they put in my eyes  after laser? My mom and sister didn't own them in their eyes, it was just me. After five days, I went to the clinic to take them off. The doctor used macam penyepit kecik to take them out. Tak sakit put but yeah nerve-wrecking jugaklah. When I had the lenses in my eyes, my eyesight was rather kabur like macam pakai cermin mata yang banyak dust tak berlap. Kelabu je. But after they took them off, it was alhamdulillah clear sikit but still I cant read texts on my phone.

Painful ke tak? I cerita yang I felt je lah ek. My mom said it was not painful at all to her. But for me, the doctor had warned me that after the surgery the pain gonna hit me. And yes he was absolutely right. Sakit ya Allah. Sakit waktu tu macam rasa hingga ke otak. Like something, huge thing compressed your brain. I even took analgesics to sleep because it was really painful. The pain hit me for three days and it went away.

Now it has been two months after I did my lasik. Alhamdulillah, my eyesight is getting better. I need to be really grateful. Allah swt has taken a bit of my eyesight when I was eleven but He returned it again twelve years later. Betapa Allah swt sayangkan hamba-hambaNya. Always remember that!

I hoped my experience helps those who yang mahu buat lasik or bakal buat lasik. You'll be fine too insyaAllah =)

RAYA

Its raya now.
I'd been spending my time relaxing.
And oh, I bought new phone last month and it is Iphone SE gold 64 gb. Cost me lot of money.
Haha.

General updates:
- I am determined to shed off many KGs. Pray for me. Just wait, I will live with just confidence after all of this finish.
- Maa is very sick. She fractured her humerus and a little paralysed. She stayed with us for 2 weeks. Since was sick, she has been nagging a lot. A LOT. Oh well, she taught me to become more patient.
-*drumrolls Alhamdulillah I passed my final exams with gaining 4 honors and 3 passed. Still so many areas to improve but for now I want to be grateful as much as I can before next semester resume.
-TV kat rumah rosak, so most of the time I am spending my time in the room watching korean dramas. LOL
- Did I tell you that I visited my dear cousin, Hana' s grave. Al fatihah.
-Tomorrow I will start my puasa 6. May Allah ease.

5 days to Malaysia

Wadduppp.

Actually I just returned home from travelling to Paris and Amsterdam yesterday. And here I am in 56 Wilton Court,  still in denial that I am about to fly home for 3 months of summer, insyaAllah,

Have-to-pack. But aghhhhhh,, why I have no mood. I mean, I wanna go home, but I am a bit lazy to pack. Haiyyo,, cannot like this Syifa.

I will blog about my summer 2016 wishlists, ramadan wishlists and my travel-log story soon,

But before that, have.to.pack.asap.

I know. I am sorry

Yes, I admit.

I should start blogging again. So, will you still be with me?

=P

22 Things To Start Doing Now That Will Improve The Rest Of Your Life

I read a very good article. Final exam week, my mood is almost gone haywire.
Indeed, to Allah I rest my usaha and doa..
May everything will be fine. Amin.

So, here's the article, so that I can look to again whenever I need it.

1. Exercise. And if you can, exercise in the morning. This helps in so many ways. It will help you sleep better at night and be more alert during the day. It will help wake you up in the morning by getting your blood flowing. It will help to sharpen and focus your mind. It will help relieve stress. There are just so many benefits.

2. Don’t say “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I don’t have time.” Tomorrow tends to be the imaginary land that never arrives, and 95-99% of the time when people say “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I don’t have time” it really means “I’d rather just be lazy.”

3. Don’t make excuses. Just do it. If there is something that you want to do, whether it is just something that you think would be fun, a new experience, or something to better yourself then do it. This sort of goes with point #2. If you’re making excuses then all that means is your really don’t want it that badly.

4. Read books. Get off the internet. Stop reading pointless 3 paragraph articles and read something substantial. It will help expand your vocabulary, it will open your mind, it will inspire real thinking and creativity, and more.

5. Make sure you understand your credit score.

6. Save money. Be aggressive about it. In the next 5-10 years, you’ll probably be extremely happy that you did so.

7. Don’t hold grudges. Do not harbor hate. It takes a lot of energy to be mad at people so don’t bother. Just let things go. And if someone continues to inspire these bad feelings in you, then let them go. It’s that simple.

8. Laugh and smile. Always. Having a bad day? First, Smile. A big one. Ear to ear. Force it. Smiling doesn’t just happen when you are happy, but it always happens to make you happier. It’s scientifically proven. Then go to YouTube (I know earlier I said get off the internet, but laughter is a necessity.), look up a funny video or your favorite comedian and just laugh. Just let go. It’ll help.

9. Stop and smell the roses. It’s good to want to better yourself, but you also need to know when to take time for yourself and relax. Let your batteries recharge.

10. Be thankful and grateful. Sometimes it can be hard in the moment to realize that you actually have it pretty good, but every now and then just stop and think about everything that you have in your life. There is always someone who has it worse so you should be happy that you have what you have. It’s also good to want to be better and to not just accept things for what they are, to challenge the status quo, but at the same time if you are always surging forward and you never stop to appreciate what and who is around you then one day when you finally do stop, you may realize there’s nothing left.

11. Be charitable. Not just with your money or your time, but with who you are. Being charitable isn’t just about giving when it makes sense, it’s about being the type of person who will go out of their way to help the old woman cross a slippery, snow covered street. It’s about tipping the waitress even when she was bitchy because maybe she’s just having a really bad day. It’s about smiling at that person across from you on the bus who looks upset, maybe even ask them if they need to talk. It’s about giving that kid who won’t stop asking for a job a chance even though their resume doesn’t look that great.

12. Be selfish. Sometimes. This may sound contradictory, but hear me out. Sometimes you just need to ignore everyone else, and step away from the world for you. Go on that ski trip. Get yourself those shoes. That might sound vain, but you know what, if you don’t have a healthy mind and a healthy body then how will you help others to do so?

13. Keep your phone in your pocket when with friends and family. Enjoy your time with them. You can always use technology, you won’t always have time with your loved ones.

14. Don’t be shy. Talk to people. Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with strangers. What’s the worst that will happen? They’ll ignore you? Be rude? So what? You don’t ever have to talk to them again. Not only will this teach you not to be afraid of rejection, but it will teach you how to network, be personable, read people, and maybe meet some really great people.

15. Listen. When someone is talking to you, LISTEN. Don’t just think about what you are going to say, but really listen to what they are saying. Then when they are done you can take a second to think about what you want to say.

16. Be yourself, but don’t be an A-Hole. Never be afraid to be who you are. Don’t worry about other people’s BS opinion of you. Enjoy life and yourself. If people don’t like you for who you are then you don’t need them in your life. Simple as that. At the same time, if everyone you meet seems to think you’re an A-Hole, maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate yourself.

17. Travel. If you can, travel. It’s a great thing to do. It can open you up to so many things that you will never experience in your own little corner of the world. Whether that be lifestyles and culture you could never have imagined, seeing nature in a new light, or giving you the shocking realization that there is something horribly wrong with the balance of power and wealth in this world. Traveling can lead to some great introspection and thought provoking experiences.

18. Be open minded. You don’t know it all. You never will. You also couldn’t possibly understand everything so be aware of that.

19. Love like a puppy. Don’t be afraid to let others in. Love unconditionally. If your heart gets broken, it will heal, and you will learn. But do not let it close you. At the same time, make sure that just because you love so openly that you don’t let others walk all over you. You can leave someone behind who treats you wrong, but still have a strong love for them. A lot of us have experienced that.

20. Ask why and be curious. Why is one of the single most powerful words we have as humans. It can open so many doors and lead to so much knowledge. Next time someone tells you something, instead of just accepting it, ask why. Dig deeper. Learn.

21. Follow your passions and your dreams. Do what you love and what you enjoy. Don’t settle. Not for a job. Not for a spouse. Not for anything. If you believe that you are capable of more, then go for it, but don’t forget to keep at least 1 toe on the ground so that you don’t lose everything great that you may already have.

22. Be a child. This is a culmination of many of the previous pieces of advice. Being a child means to love like a puppy. You open your arms with a blissful ignorance. You travel wherever you go, looking at things with a curiosity unmatched by any adult. You see things in a creative light and let your imagination run wild. When you’re in a taxi, you’re not just on your way to work avoiding traffic, you’re avoiding the bad guys and on a mission to save the world. You don’t judge. You don’t assume. You just accept. You listen and you learn, so intensely that others may assume you had no idea they were talking to you, but one day you’ll repeat what they said and surprise them. You ask why because you want to truly understand. You are yourself because you haven’t yet learned how to be anything but yourself, but at the same time your imagination will allow you to be and do anything you can dream. As a child, you are often selfish, but at the same time often so surprisingly giving because you don’t like to see others sad. You laugh and smile often because there’s not much else that feels better than that. You save your money, your pennies and your quarters go into the piggy jar because one day, you know you’ll buy something big. Each day is new and exciting. You don’t make excuses for not doing something because you don’t have any, when there is something you want to do, something you dream of, you go for it because you haven’t been told you can’t. You don’t understand that others might believe it’s impossible. You just be the best version of yourself because that is how life should be.

Now, I understand some may read all this and think, “Wow, this A-Hole lives in a fantasy land.” And you’re right. I do. Those who know me can attest, I believe I’m capable of anything. I hate to fail because I think I shouldn’t.

Some people think I’m too cocky, but that’s not exactly it. It’s that I believe there can be more. I believe very strongly in the quote “He who says he can, and he who says he can’t are both usually right.”

I actively try to live as I have mentioned above, and while it may be overly optimistic and sugar coated, I understand that life can be hard, but it doesn’t mean that you have to let it bring you down. Those people who you read about, those people who live on past their death through their legacies, those people, they believed in more. They believed that they could be more. They didn’t believe in giving up. They weren’t afraid to fail because all they could see was themselves past the finish line in a future where the world was a better place or where they reached their goal, and the only reason anyone else can’t be like that… is because they are holding themselves back.

If you’re not happy with your life. If you’re not happy with where you’re at. Then make a change. You can do it. You just need to believe.

I just love this