Things do not come easily to me.
What I want to be:
1. A positive person
2. A hard working person
3. A good person with beautiful akhlak.
4. A worries-free traveller
5. A good daughter
6. A confident person
8. A good daughter
9. A good friend
10. A good sister.
11. A good worshiper
There are so many things I want to become but sometimes I feel like giving up. Because I put too high expectation on me. Yes, since I was a kid, I worked hard to achieve what I want. I am a middle child from six siblings. I did feel like I should not be a burden to my parents in anyway. Because there are so many worrisome personalities among my siblings, therefore I choose to be the 'good girl' to make my parents a bit at ease. I never had any trouble with school be it in mannerism or academic. I chose to live in the hostel so that my parents can cut a little bit of expenses on me and they can focus on to my other siblings. I achieve all A's for my UPSR, PMR, SPM and A-level. Every time I felt so stressed out about relationship-with-human, I will be studying. I have lots of worries that I want to share but I have no one in my family to share with. So I just appeared as the 'happy child' all the time. Little did I know, my choice of character left me with many consequences later during my adulthood. I became quite reserved, not confident, and an extreme introvert. I feel regretful that I was not able to being expressive when I was a child.
Do my parents know how I feel? I don't think they did.
But I know Allah swt will reward me with the most satisfying gift for 'trying my best to be a good person' which is the HEAVEN. InsyaAllah. I always believe that good people will be rewarded with good things. And with that in mind, I'll keep moving forward and always trying to become a better person. Amin...
